Until Then
by caramelsong
Summary: Saying goodbye is harder when you know you leave part of yourself behind.


**A/N: Back to writing Naruto junk. I admit it, I'm SasuSaku trash. (THEY'RE FREAKING CANON!)**

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He packs with a silent efficiency, moving around the bedroom to gather what he needs and places them meticulously into the rucksack lying open on the bed. A spare change of clothes. A set of weapons. A few bottles of medication that his wife insisted upon. The last photo they took of Sarada.

There are also the things that will not be going into his pack, but will be brought along for the journey. His gaze lingers at the slivers of moonlight peeking through the billowing curtains, illuminating the otherwise dark room, as he counts them in his head. Sarada's smile. Her laughter. Her wailing at night. The incoherent baby babble she started using only a month before and the sweet sound of her calling him 'papa'. The image of Sakura's eyes when she's angry or ecstatic, blazing in the most vivid shade of green. The sound of her voice when she sings Sarada to sleep, and the way she comforts him after the nightmares that never truly went away.

In the back of his mind he wonders if he can make it through the mission without succumbing to the need to go home and see them, but he knows he must. For their sake.

He pauses, listening to Sakura sing a lullaby for Sarada from next door. How long will it be until he hears it again? It could take years, and Sarada might not need lullabies by the time he comes back. His throat tightens when he thinks of all the things he will not be around for, and the many firsts of their daughter's life he will not be able to see.

When Sarada was born, Sasuke told himself that he would always make time for her, so that she would never know the loneliness he had in his childhood. But he also promised that he would do everything to keep her safe, and right now that's more important, even if he can't be there for her. He would endure anything if it buys her more nights like this one, where she can sleep in peace and without worry.

Sakura had not been too happy with the decision that he will be leaving, but she understands the need. They're doing it for Sarada, and for Konoha, so that she will not have to grow up too fast and fight wars she is too young to take part in.

He notices that the singing had stopped, and hears her muted footsteps padding against the hardwood floor. She must have gotten Sarada to sleep. He lets out a breath, anticipating her arrival and the conversation that is sure to follow.

She enters their room, a fidgeting Sarada in her arms. "She won't sleep," she laughs softly. "I've tried everything, but this child is _stubborn_." She says the last part with a fond kiss on her daughter's downy black hair, but her eyes are fixed on the open bag on the perfectly-made bed. Sarada replies by wiping a slobbery hand on her mother's cheek, prattling in incoherent words.

"Got everything you need?" she jerks her head towards it. He nods in affirmative and she gives him a small smile, still bouncing Sarada on her hip.

"Sa-chan, you need to sleep," she tells the child sternly, who looks at her with puppy eyes. Sarada turns, spots her father, and stretches her chubby little arms towards him. Sasuke crosses the room in two strides to get her. Sakura rolls her eyes and hands her over before folding her arms across her chest. "You're spoiling her," she scolds him lightly.

He doesn't reply. Instead he lets Sarada bury her face in his shoulder as he expertly balances her on his sole arm. Sarada gurgles happily, her arms wrapped around her father's neck affectionately as Sasuke plants a kiss on her cheek. Sakura watches them with sad eyes, her lips pursed as she struggles to keep her emotions in check. He beckons to her and she joins them, engulfing them in an embrace. In that moment Sasuke is happy, forgetting about the weight of his mission and surrounded by the two people he loves the most. They stay like that for several minutes until Sakura speaks, her voice strained and barely louder than a whisper.

"I wish you don't have to go." She runs her fingers through Sarada's hair.

Sasuke pulls away to look her in the eyes. "I thought you were okay."

"It comes and goes, I wouldn't trust it." She lets out a reluctant chuckle. "I just… I want you to know that you're going to be missed."

"I know."

"And that we love you."

"I know."

At this, he looks down at their daughter, who is losing her fight with drowsiness. He smirks at that – two years old and already showing the stubborn nature she inherited from both her parents, but his chest clenches as he imagines the arguments he will never have with her as she grows up. If she is anything like him, there would surely be many.

He finds Sakura looking at him. "What's on your mind?" she asks as she opens her arms, indicating that she would take Sarada from him. He shook his head, starting to slowly rock Sarada to lull her to sleep. It doesn't escape him that this is the last time he can do this.

"You. Sarada. This mission."

She sits on the edge of their bed, her fingers brushing the flap of his bag. "We'll be fine," her reassurance comes with a nonchalant wave. "We're both strong troopers."

"I'm not worried about you," he tells her as settles himself next to her. She leans her head on his shoulder, sighing. "I'm sure you'll do a good job with her," he continues.

"I'll always worry about you," she whispers. "Let us know at least once in a while how you are, would you?"

"I –" he begins but she cuts across him.

"I know, you don't want the messages intercepted, and it's supposed to be a secret," she recites tonelessly before a humorless laugh escapes her lips.

"I will." She is surprised by that, he can see it on her face. "I don't know how often I can, but I will." She deserves that much, after all. In fact she deserves a lot of things he won't be able to give her. She seems content with that, and silence descends upon them as Sarada finally gives in to sleep.

Dawn comes too quickly.

Sakura wakes up earlier than him, something that rarely happens. When he opens his eyes, he finds her sitting up on her side of the bed with Sarada on her lap, drinking milk. She smiles when she notices him awake and so does Sarada, who immediately discards her bottle to crawl towards him. Her tiny hands touch his face, giggling madly when he covers them with his larger one.

"Papa," she says in her high-pitched squeal.

"I'm going to prepare breakfast," Sakura's voice is even as she gets to her feet and pulls her hair back. "Sa-chan, you stay with Papa, okay?"

He makes to follow her, but she raises a hand to stop him. "Don't worry about it, I got it," she says, but he scoops up their daughter in his arms and stands up anyway. Sarada squirms in his grasp so he lets her down and allows her to walk on her own while still keeping hold of her hand. Sakura notices this, so she grabs her other hand and leads their family of three to the kitchen.

Two hours later, he is fully dressed. Sarada waits with Sakura in the living room while he takes his pack from the bedroom, dressed in a deep blue romper with a red ribbon in her dark hair. She bounces happily in front of her mother, her high-pitched laughter ringing across their house and he thinks it might be worth it if she keeps laughing in that carefree manner.

Sakura clasps his cloak around his neck and the constricting feeling in his chest returns, but she smiles for his sake, and Sarada's.

They accompany him to the gate. Sarada bounds after them with baby steps between her parents, each of her hands in one of theirs, blissfully unaware that this would be the last time she'll hold her father's hand in a long time. When they arrive, Sasuke carries Sarada and rests his chin on Sakura's head. When her arms wind around the pair of them, he closes his eyes and memorizes the feeling of having them close and wishes he doesn't have to let go.

But he eventually does, and his heart feels like lead when he deposits Sarada into her mother's arms.

"She'll understand someday," Sakura reassures the fear he hasn't voiced out yet, adjusting her hold on their little girl. "I'm sure she will."

He presses a kiss on each of their foreheads, lingering just a little longer on Sakura's.

He crouches and taps Sarada's forehead gently, earning a toothy grin from her. "I'll see you soon," he says when their child leans forward and kisses his cheek.

Sakura nods, a brave smile on her face and her eyes glistening with the tears she is struggling to keep from falling. He faces her when he draws to his full height, unable to keep the sorrow from his features. She extends her free hand to cup his face.

"I love you." He knows this, of course, but it is still good to hear.

"I love you," he laces those four words with every other thing he couldn't tell her. His eyes flicker between them – this woman who loved him more than he deserved and the little girl that is their whole world – his _family_. "I love you both." He pulls them close again, but he detaches himself faster this time.

Sasuke had always been a man of few words, but Sakura knows he'll never restrain himself from saying the important ones.

"Stay safe." She finally gives in to her emotions and lets the tears fall down her cheeks.

After one last look at his family, he turns to leave, only to have Sarada start whimpering. "Papa," she cries, her voice rising in volume with each recurrence of the word. "Paaaapaaaa…"

Each call brings about a wave of regret, each step feels heavier than the last. It takes every ounce of self-control he has not to turn back and console her, but he can hear Sakura already on it. Instead, he finds solace in the fact that his wife is more than capable to raise their daughter on her own.

 _She'll be fine._

Soon Sarada's cries disappear into the wind, along with Sakura's tears. He tucks them into his heart and keeps walking, ignoring the growing lump in his throat that came with the knowledge that he's leaving the best of himself behind.

As he enters the dense forest, he tells himself that every step he makes is one closer to finishing his mission and returning to his waiting family.

Until then, he has to grow accustomed to the solitude. Again.

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 **It's been years since I wrote anything remotely in the creative area, but I'm working on it again. School sucked the narrative writing out of me, so I'm slowly getting my mojo back. Pardon me if it's still rusty.**

 **P.S: Reviews would be great!**


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